beta and kilink in istanbul

Mort's obsession with all things Diabolik/Sadistik/Satanik/Kriminal/Killing/Kilink-related has spilled over to me (I'm a sucker for just about any movie that I can borrow). But what's not to like about D/S/S/K/K/K? That rigid, skeletal rictus; that miscreant belly-laugh that bursts forth at the hapless roadblocks that goodness erects in his path; that assured, jackbooted stride as he marches against decency and kills at will.

It's tough going to love something like Kilink in Istanbul though, and not just because it's PAL so that you have to view on the CPU. Okay, the sudden appearance of Shazam is the funniest bit of deus ex machina (or whatever they call it in Turkish) since Magnolia, at least. Even better is how the vengeful son whispers "Sajem!" to become Superhero, replete with striped-boxer shorts, puffy muscle shirt, and askant Batman mask. And his exquisite corpse outfit echoes the soundtrack, which seems to be fifth-generation dubs of Bond movie cues all chopped and screwed back together (sometimes even run backwards) like some sort of Frankensteinian aural collage. But the ending is the most anti-climactic thing I've ever seen, where Kilink's secret weapon is never displayed and Superhero never even shows up for the final battle. Instead Kilink kisses his girlfriend (chicks dig evil skeletons) and just admits that he likes doing what he loves. Guess the Turks are into frustration (and sequels).

One thing is that they like their heroes to be cruel. As extras are a few trailers for other Turkish films. Their Superman is malnourished, yet the thousand-yard stare, stillborn emotional core, and imminent kill-punch make for a ridiculously stony shell. It's nothing compared to the other feature that somehow pulls together an unholy triumverate of Spider-Man, Captain America, and Mexican wrestling icon, El Santo(!). No idea about the plot, but it seems to center on the sadistic kicks of the St. Patty's day green outfit of Spider-Man and his BBW girlfriend. Some exploits include: burying a woman neck-deep in sand and driving an outboard motor into her face; stomping on a bar of soap with Spidey jackboots and strangling a woman mid-shower; shoving a flesh-hungry hamster into a cardboard tube to gnaw off a man's face. All of which are accompanied by Spidey's malevolent gut-busting. Ghost Rider was never this sick.